My elementary school principal, Prince Apple, had no principles. I know, because he offered to give me candy once, in exchange for sexual services. As you can imagine I said, “No!” Come on, man, you know I only accept cash.

“If somebody wanted me dead, I’d try to convince them to wait 25 years, for tech…”

“I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her h…”

“It’s better to err on the side of more, than less, except if you’re talking abo…”

“My friend had sex with half of all the women in the city. I think he had sex wi…”