My ex girlfriend, she gave great log cabin. But she couldn’t write a speech like Lincoln. So I grew a beard and broke up with her.

“She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole.”

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“I am not into nudity on camera, but I would love to wear a banana peel over my …”

“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to m…”