My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.

“I don’t run errands. Usually I jog.”

“When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be…”

“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce…”

“If you want to see how fast I run, just give me a football helmet and notice ho…”