My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.

“I need to go to the store and pick up some condoms. But first I need to pick up…”

“Everybody has something to offer the world. Even rapists, murderers, and politi…”

“He was a vegetable, so trying to change his mind was fruitless.”

“I made out like a bandit. Not that I’ve ever made out with a bandit.”