My gas tank is on empty, but my erection is on full. Still, it would be wise to stop the car before I pump.

“I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.”

“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I wh…”

“Republicans are a glass half full, and Democrats are a glass half empty. Either…”

“If birthdays fell from the sky like Saturdays shaped like saxophones, I’d learn…”