My list of chores is a little too important to include in my list of life’s goals.

“Mrs. Indianapolis was in town again. She looked like a can of Sprite in her gre…”

“A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future ge…”

“The chain of command, I wear it around my neck.”

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”