My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday! Autore: Jarod Kintz Copy Quote More from Jarod Kintz “Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.” “I’ll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot—including my penis.” “I rode the night mare like a bad dream. I rode with no saddle and a midget on m…” “A brick could be used to sway the voters. But if you really want to sway them, …”