My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I voted for Dora J. Arod.

“Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder …”

“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business…”

“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy …”

“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”