My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream. Otherwise, how will it melt?

“I wonder what city Grover Cleveland is from. Probably Cincinnati.”

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out …”

“My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if…”

“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me…”