My uncle just dropped in to see me, but his parachute didn't open up. So now we're waiting on the ambulance to come pick him up. (Hey, I would have drove him to the hospital, but gas prices are too high!)

“I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of li…”

“His last name was Morris, but I called him Mars, because it’s like he was from …”

“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be…”

“A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the …”