My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?

“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.”

“I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mar…”

“I’d love to be a color commentator, but I can’t, because I’m white, and white i…”

“If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd …”