On my wedding night, I want to make slow, passionate rush hour to my wife at well over three miles an hour.

“If I walked in on two of my clones having sex, I’d think it was gay, incestuous…”

“I’ll watch the Final Four when there are three teams playing at once for two ti…”

“When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll proba…”

“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s al…”