On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.

“I am prophetic. I predicted it would snow tomorrow yesterday, and sure enough t…”

“When the lights are about to burn out and start flickering, it’s like I’m blink…”

“Don’t be selfish and keep your thoughts locked in the cage called your skull. F…”

“I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s …”