One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.

“I thought I was placing my hand on her knee. But it turned out to be her saggy …”

“I would crack a smile, but I don’t like breaking things.”

“-My son was 32 when he died.
-Degrees? So he froze to death, huh?”

“I drink coffee like other men play basketball. I drink like a woman, and that’s…”