Out of all the guys she could love, I am two of them. But she chose my clone over me and that hurts. And it feels good.

“I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midget…”

“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, tha…”

“We never know how bad we had it, until something better comes along and we get …”

“I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a j…”