Parents, they'll screw you up every time.

“Imag­ine how you’d feel if your whole life turned in­to a job you couldn’t stan…”

“Ignore how it feels when the only real talent you have is for hidding the truth…”

“I fainted....and you ate my ass?You fed me my own ass?”

“Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can l…”