Participation trophies are junk. If all you have to do is show up, how worthless are they? Unless you’re invisible and deaf, and then one of those trophies would be meaningful, because simply showing up is exactly what is hard for you to do.

“I like instant gratification. It’s like instant coffee, only it won’t keep you …”

“The devil appears in many forms, but the most nefarious of all are tax forms.”

“I loved her like elephants like remembering stuff. Those bastards just won’t le…”

“I’m 30, and his daughter is 18. He said I was too old for her. So I asked him i…”