People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.

“I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't ima…”

“Male or female, if my name were either Don or Dawn, I’d be up at sunrise to cel…”

“Pants don’t walk without legs in them. Let that be a lesson in love.”

“A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the mor…”