People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland.


“A pen is a phallic symbol you can write with. But so is a cucumber dipped in ra…”

“Everything east of the Mississippi is west of the Mississippi, if you just keep…”

“I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one w…”

“Bricks could be used to fill my empty trophy cabinet. But first I’ve got to win…”