Pound-for-pound, I’m the best non-fighter in the world. I could kick Gandhi’s ass.

“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I …”

“A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s ea…”

“Last night my girl and I were knocking boots, but it won’t happen tonight, beca…”

“I unwind with wine—or a few counter clockwise turns.”