She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.

“I’m like a ventriloquist chasing his own voice. I can whisper and shout at the …”

“Should I masturbate before we meet up? I don’t want to be horny and thinking wi…”

“I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little le…”

“I just weighed myself, and I thought I weighed 165, but it turns out I weigh 18…”