She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible.

“I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripp…”

“The political brain is shaped like a peanut, only not as big.”

“I stabbed the intruder with a knife. How else was I supposed to cut him into bi…”

“Don’t scream out my name in bed. Scream out random fractions instead.”