She’s the kind of woman I could see myself spending the rest of my life with—after I turn 99.

“My gas tank is on empty, but my erection is on full. Still, it would be wise to…”

“I’ll give you money to buy what I’m selling, because I’m a savvy salesman.”

“Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body l…”

“I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mea…”