Starbucks has odd drink sizes. I say man’s hands were meant to be cupped, so pour the hot coffee right in. But obviously I’ll need help pouring and stirring in cream and sugar, as my hands will be full.


“I once met an asexual unicycle, but I wasn’t wearing rubber gloves so I didn’t …”

“If you sound like shit, you sound like smell—which is crazy because smell looks…”

“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costu…”

“I'd like to see a flag made not out of stars and stripes, but rather fingers an…”