Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.

“If a building were shaped like a body, I’d imagine you’d exit out the rear.”

“A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to f…”

“The three of us met to discuss dinner over sandwiches, and I decided I liked th…”

“I met a man with no forehead and receding eyebrows. He had ketchup crusted on h…”