Sure, I pee in the pool. But that’s only because I don’t have a sink big enough to swim in. I fear Ryan Lochte’s career will be in the toilet once he’s done with swimming.

“I have about as much practice sleeping as everyone else, though I’d like to hav…”

“Riding a bicycle makes you impotent. That’s why I carry a bicycle seat in my po…”

“If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I w…”

“Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my topping…”