Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday. 


“I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.”

“I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.”

“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I…”

“Shakespeare asked what’s in a name. Well, each of my clones won’t be named the …”