Thank God I don’t have a triangle-shaped asshole.

“I talked to a mother of nine last night, and I thought, “Nine is nine years too…”

“Shaving a sheep is considered foreplay in some countries. But I don’t consider …”

“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over…”

“Now that parking meters have shifted from quarters to credit cards, I worry som…”