Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be if all women cared about were looks? The plastic surgeon’s office, that’s where.

“I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the othe…”

“Life’s like brown sugar sprinkled on shit. Sure it tastes great, if you don’t m…”

“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would …”

“If my ribcage is locked, just knock”