The Chinese used gunpowder to make fireworks for celebrations, and the white man came along and said, Holy shit, we can use this to kill people. What better way to celebrate than that?


“Larry Bird looks like a bird, and Johnny Vagina looks like—hey, what is that in…”

“Pick a number between one to ten. Now, pick the number that you think I picked …”

“I tell people my name is “The Weather,” and that I understand how they don’t ha…”

“What’s furry, has four legs, and meows? My dinner, before I killed and cooked i…”