The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.

“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy …”

“When I’m cold and I fart, I always admonish myself saying, “Stop! Close the bac…”

“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “…”

“I was born a master of the universe in Manhattan. Not Manhattan, New York City,…”