The difference between noon and midnight is the same as the separation between sex and masturbation. Sexually, you can find me at 6:00 sharp. Bring a condom and a glove—and don’t be late.


“My goal is to have the most and the best of what I desire. And since I desire c…”

“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the use…”

“Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.”

“I like wearing earmuffs. They keep my balls warm.”