The first guy who beats me up isn’t going to pay for it, but the second guy who tries sure will.

“The woman of my dreams was tired. The woman of my dreams always lets me sleep i…”

“Charity can be a good thing. But the only cause I’ll support is because. Don’t …”

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up…”

“I have two masters: laziness and ambition. Laziness is muscular, and ambition i…”