The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.

“The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to cal…”

“The idea of a blind date scares me. But a deaf date would be great.”

“A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They'r…”

“A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew bac…”