The past—I’m looking forward to it.

“I’m now solidly in my mid-thirties. I turned thirty, three days ago.”

“A brick could be used as a period on a really large sentence. A blanket could b…”

“I'm the only person I know who has slept through a fire drill. Apparently, I pu…”

“I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that’s to be expected, since she is a…”