The phrase “In the blink of an eye” is misleading, because one eye closing and opening is not a blink—it’s a wink.

“I didn’t do a 180-degree turn on my thinking. I simply swiveled my chair around…”

“A door shaped like a vagina is more inviting. Sure, I’ll come in, but not slouc…”

“A pen is like a switchblade you can actually write with—and pull off a successf…”

“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like …”