The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The rusty can is all my father left me when he left us to be in a relationship with a goat. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots wi…”

“I make love like a lump of cold oatmeal. I apologize if that mental image excit…”

“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter tha…”

“A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage…”