The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.

“I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect …”

“I can’t fly with one wing. But I can’t go hungry either, and I already ate both…”

“Money’s a tool, like a wrench, and until I make more I need to tighten my belt.”

“Stoplight red is never greener than when it’s tinged with yellow. I make love l…”