The state of North Carolina, Daisy, and John Wayne walked into a bar, and I shouted, “Duke!” and the bartender threw me out, because he was a Chapel Hill fan, and I was drunk.

“If you are who you associate with, then I am my own clone.”

“Don’t think for a minute that I can trust you with 60 seconds.”

“I celebrate my birthday in ways not seen this side of the Old Testament. I cele…”

“If you say I stole your pillow, that’s simply not the case.”