The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.


“My name is Awesome Amazing. My middle name is Lee.”

“Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.”

“-Do you see that?
-Yeah, what is it?
-That’s the truth.
-How can you tell it’s …”

“When I’m tired, I say, “I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to …”