There are whiskers in my soup, and my spoon smells like my cat’s ass.

“If you waive my fee, I’ll wave at you. I might even wink.”

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

“I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind …”

“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great clean…”