To me, a good friend is one who doesn't talk, but who listens all the time. Someone who is observant. Someone who wiretaps your phone lines. I consider myself a good friend.

“I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, p…”

“You don’t have the shadow volume to sit next to me in the sunshine of truth.”

“Don’t raise your hand to ask a question, or I’ll give you a surprise high five.”

“Republicans are a glass half full, and Democrats are a glass half empty. Either…”