To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and had a Q-tip dangling out of my ass.

“A blanket could be used to study the stars more thoroughly. I don’t know how ex…”

“Bricks could be used to build stronger relationships. But so could bribes.”

“God created the heavens, while the devil created doubt. Here is a short list of…”

“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered…”