Uncle Sam’s not related to me. He’s stuck his dick in the American Pie too many times to be welcome at my family picnics.

“I don’t want to hold you back. That’s what the chains affixed to the wall are f…”

“I sent him a silent message with my body language, but he must be deaf—or, rath…”

“I wash my hair with strawberry jelly, because my favorite thing to eat for brea…”

“Five sicks people in the hospital (56). I made each one a “Get well soon” card …”