What I call talking to God, you may call talking to myself. Of course, I’m flattered that you’d think I am God.

“When I smile, not only do my ears rise, but so does my listening ability. When …”

“A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the …”

“A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look s…”

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll …”