What I’m doing is not doing anything, and I’m doing a half-ass job.

“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in …”

“Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in eve…”

“Since pigs are anatomically similar to humans, dissecting one must be like cutt…”

“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like thi…”