What’s with the zombie craze? Zombies are half alive, half dead, right? Sounds like my wife in bed.

“Wherever I go I carry around a clothes iron, a loaf of bread, and a block of ch…”

“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got co…”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but…”

“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons f…”