When I can’t write I read. When I can’t read I sleep. And when I can’t sleep I write.

“I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Or…”

“The only other man I’d let see my wife’s naked body is the butcher.”

“50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”