When I hear a politician has died in a car accident, I think, “How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a small dent, it makes me want to cry out to God in despair.

“I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.”

“For my birthday, a few of my wealthier friends got me a pot to piss in. Also, t…”

“Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published …”

“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I cl…”