When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.

“You will know my power when you feel me compress you into a ball and bowl with …”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“The headline read, Man Saves Child From Burning House, and I just have to ask: …”

“A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains wo…”